Tuesday, December 11, 2012

December 11th, 2012

Today I did pretty well. I didn't have any time to go workout at the gym, but I did eat pretty well. I woke up and of course my father was awake so I had to measure a banana really quickly. I measured it out to exactly 2.9oz of banana, but didn't weigh the strawberries. Instead, I just had four medium strawberries. So I had 95 calories all together today. I found that if I act just like it's a fast day (I go 24 hours between eating every day) then I don't eat anything between breakfast one day and breakfast another day.

Also I found out something great today! Ever since my two little brothers were born, my family hasn't gone away on holiday. I've been desperate to go again. Since I was five, I've had a best friend: Grace. Grace's parents and my parents have always been the best of friends, but her parents got divorced, my parents got divorced, and we didn't go away on holiday with them any more. We just didn't go on holiday at all.

It started with my mom and I just joking around, but it's turned into the fact that for the second half of winter break, I might be able to go to Aruba with my mother, Grace, and Grace's mother. Just the four of us would be PERFECT! The best part is Grace's mother is an exercise freak who works out every morning for hours (even on vacation) and only eats healthy food. When I go on vacation with her, I get to go workout with her and she makes us only eat healthy food.

Can you think of a more perfect person to go on vacation with?

Monday, December 10, 2012

December 10th, 2012

So today I decided that I'm going to do a pretty strict diet until Christmas. I've bought my dresses for the two family get-together things. One of them is a high low black lace dress with long sleeves and the other one has a short sleeved white lace top, black belt and black mini skirt. I need to lose a bit of weight to look good in them and I have exactly two weeks to drop 6 pounds until I'm under 120 pounds.

Basically, I'm going to eat 100 calories worth of fruit every morning. I also am going to do 15 minutes of yoga every night and a workout called the 5-4-3-2-1 workout. Here is the workout:
Basically you do each workout and it's a workout for 15 minutes. I really like it and when I do it properly, I burn 100 calories. I don't know why you would burn, but it might be around 100 calories or so. Half of the week I'm going to the gym where I'll burn 500 calories.

Today I did fine. I had a banana that weighed 2.9oz again and I ate that. The rest of the day, I didn't eat anything until tonight when I had three egg whites. I had a total of 121 calories. Tomorrow I'll do the same, minus the egg whites and I'll add some strawberries. Still, I won't have over 100 calories.

Stay thin!
Stay pretty!
TTFN!

Sunday, December 9, 2012

December 9th, 2012

I love taking my little brother's out. They're a real handful, but I've always loved looking after little kids. I was eight when Tony was born, so by the time I was ten, he was pretty easy to handle. When I was eleven, I had already gotten the hang of watching Tony when Owen was born, and I loved babysitting when my mom and step-dad went out.

Today I took the boys to the movies to see Rise of the Guardians. They loved it, but somehow they both ended up sitting on my lap when they got scared. Have you ever had two little boys scream and scramble onto your lap? It's really hard, trust me.

Either way, today I had a banana that weighed 2.9oz. I always measure everything by weight when I can, because that's the most accurate  That was 73 calories. I snacked on something called magic pop which brought my total to 132. When I took the boys to the movies, Owen kept giving me chocolate which I ate and brought my total to 182. I was pretty happy with this and I took the boys out for Pizza afterwards where I didn't eat anything.

I always take them out to dinner when I'm allowed because my parents think I eat, but I don't, and my brothers don't tell. Then Michael called (my step-dad) and told us mom made pasta and we should come home. Ugh, pasta. I hate pasta and I try not to eat it as much as possible, but Sunday dinners are family time. After saying grace, I was forced to scoff down pasta which brought me way up to 821 calories. Not the best I've ever done, but not the worst.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to fast. I might put it off until Tuesday because I know I'm fasting Wednesday, but we'll see. One tip I have for skipping dinner is keeping yourself out until after dinner. Don't go home and leave again right before dinner, but I stay at school until 6pm every night when they kick me out and by the time I get home, it's 7 and my dinner's waiting for me to scrape it into the bin.

Try to find a good excuse for staying late: homework, sports, a job. I babysit the lower schoolers after their afterschool programs until their parents come to pick them up. That keeps me at school until 6.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

December 6th, 2012

This morning I woke up and I was supposed to be following the rainbow diet. I ate my 10 blueberries for breakfast, then went to Costco with my mother where we bought so much food... I can't even. Then again, I live in a family of five, so we need a lot of food. At least, they do. After we got home, I went to go buy a dress for Christmas and I could not have felt fatter. I tried on 8 different dresses and I looked fat and gross in each and every one of them. I hated the way I looked soooooo much I can't even begin to tell you.

When I got home, it was about five and I hadn't eaten anything besides 10 blueberries. My mom and dad went out and I was left with my two younger siblings. Neither one of them can cook and I was left to cook waffles and sausage for them both. Luckily, I'm a vegetarian, so I was excused from the fatty sausage, "Eat some, Evan!" my little brother joked. I don't want to tell you his real name, so let's just call him Tony.

"I'm not hungry," I responded.

"Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!" I love my little brothers, but when they start chanting for me to stuff fatty waffles in my mouth, they annoy the shit out of me. I kept telling them I wasn't hungry, but they kept banging on the table. I stood up and yelled that if they didn't stop, I would send them both to bed without any food. They then proceeded to stop chanting, but weren't too happy about it.

"Please eat it Effy," whispered the youngest one. The older one, the one we're calling Tony, is eight and the younger one, let's call him Owen, is only five. He got up on his knees and gave me a sad look. He calls me Effy because when he was younger, Tony called me Evvy, but Owen couldn't say V and turned it to Effy instead, "Please don't be like before,"

What was I supposed to do? Owen was the only one of my brothers that noticed my eating habits change. He would sit with me when I looked after him and always commented on how skinny I was getting. He said the worst part was that I didn't have any energy any more. Therefore I was forced to eat a waffle for Owen's sake. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw me eat. My cravings took over and I ended up having two more :(.

My total intake today was about 800 calories.

I love my family, but a lot of the times I find myself at home, watching over my little brothers. I'm the child of my mother and father, but Tony and Owen's father married my mother eight years ago. Tony came right afterwards. I don't mind my step-father, but I don't love him like I loved my father. Sometimes I think my two little brothers are the only ones who care about me. But I don't mind that. They're pretty adorable :)

If Anyone's Out There

I don't know if anyone's out there. I don't know if anyone who is out there really cares, but my name is Evan. I'm a teenage girl and I have an eating disorder. No, I'm not in recovery. I am a pro-ana. If you're not comfortable with that, I kindly request that you please leave. I am not encouraging people to have an eating disorder. I only support people who already have one and want someone to talk to :)

On this blog you'll find different diets, thinspiration, recipes, tips, updates on my journey and every now and then a little fun things because having an eating disorder isn't all bad. Most of it is, but there are some good parts.

About me: A bit about me is I'm a girl. Even though my name is Evan, I'm a girl. I'm a teenager, but I won't tell you my age. I've got a mom and a dad and two siblings who shall all go unnamed. I've had an eating disorder since I was thirteen and I've "recovered" once, but I don't think I really did.

I am not a wanarexic and I think there is a difference between a pro-ana and a wanarexic. I am a pro-ana. I have been medically diagnosed with anorexia and I chose to continue on the path of weight loss. A wanarexic is someone just looking for a quick fix diet. This is not that. If you do not already have an eating disorder, I suggest you leave. Eating disorders are crap. I'd rather not have one, I just don't have the strength and courage to go through recovery again. I tried it once. It sucked. I gave up.

Disclaimer: I curse :P

If you ever want to talk to me, just message me! I'm happy to talk to anyone. I do accept things from nonbelievers, but please, don't be mean to me. I've done nothing to you. Rude messages will be ignored.