I Have Anorexia

It seems like a strange thing to say, but it's something I needed to put out there: I have anorexia.

I remember the day my life changed forever, "I heard them talking today," said my best friend as we sat on my bed. She was in the popular crowd and I wasn't, "They were talking about you. They said you were fat and ugly and no one would ever love you," I was only ten years old at the time. I feel like that was the day I decided that I was really fat and everyone else knew I was fat.

From as far back as I can remember, I felt fat. I remember being eight years old at my birthday party at the beach. I had come out of the water and went to sit in a chair. I was underweight at the time and my parents were becoming worried, but I didn't think about it. When I sat down, my legs laid flat and we all know our legs are fatter when we sit down, "You have fat legs Evan," I said simply. It didn't mean anything. I stood up and smiled as my legs became skinny again, "But that's okay," I said with a smile, "Because even though you have fat cow's legs, you don't look it when you stand up,"

In eighth grade, I decided to do something about my weight. I started doing Taekwondo when I was 10 and now I began training for my black belt. I went to Taekwondo class every day, every day of the week. On Saturday I went twice. I also started doing basketball and softball at school. I was always working out. My eating habits didn't change then, so I became a healthy weight.

Summer before high school, I began to be stressed and not only did I not stop exercising so much, but I started to restrict. I was 5 foot 2 at the time and 117 pounds. I lost weight until 85 pounds at the start of high school. The stress began to build on me and I started bingeing. My weight skyrocketed all the way to 110. In an attempt to stop the binges, I told my parents and they sent me to a bunch of doctors.

I'm 5 foot 3 at the time. It is December 8th and I'm a disgusting 121 pounds, but I want to be 85 pounds again. My parents think I'm cured, but I don't think I ever will be.